


The Road To Caliburn

by Haza_Souz



Category: Fate/Apocrypha
Genre: F/F, also the grail is a prick so its road trip time, au where nothing really works with canon but mordred won, its mostly jsut my inherent yuriness showing, its tagged as jeannemor but really thats like, let mordred have many gfs 2k17, mild? apo spoilers, super subtle and not even the point of it, the road trip au that literally doesnt work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 08:31:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11271780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haza_Souz/pseuds/Haza_Souz
Summary: Everything Hates Me, a short poem in long form, by Ser Mordred





	The Road To Caliburn

"Clarent!"

She screamed out the name of her sword once more, angry red lightning screeching across the skies; the dragon howled, pitching and thrashing, but not even the power that boiled in its veins could keep it aloft with half its stomach obliterated. It roared, screamed, and finally crashed into the broken and bloodied earth. Its head split apart, and Saber of Black fell out onto the ground before fading, his spirit core rent and jagged.

Darnic Prestone Yggdmillenia shivered, mewling incoherently, eyes staring unbelieving into the air, the red mark of his last Command Seal peeling away as his Servant faded. Kairi sagged, spent from providing mana and casting the spells that had kept Darric from interfering in the fight.

Kairi crunched the earth beneath his boots, approaching Darnic. The necromancer laid a hand on his pistol, and Darnic's eyes snapped out of their state and were pinned to the weapon as though stitched by a needle.

A moment later, Kairi dropped his hand. "...Whatever. The only reason to kill a Master is to remove the Servant." He tipped his head just as a cry of savage joy rose up from the last remaining Servant on the field, the winner of the Holy Grail War, the only survivor of the Red Faction. "Hah. She won after all. Just goes to show... never count a wild child out."

Darnic watched, still frozen, as Kairi came closer and held a hand out. "Hey, asshole, get up. I ain't got a reason to bump you off any more."

"Y-y-you won't...?"

Kairi frowned and scratched his head. "Nah. I was paid to enter and fight by the Association. That's all done, so I'm free. 'Sides, I think you have enough shit to start cleaning up; shooting you would just add to that." Kairi grinned, obviously thinking that it was a very cool thing he just said.

He noticed the maiden in blue walking across the battlefield. Yeah, okay, technically there was one more Servant left, but she didn't count. He sighed, cricked his neck, began moving towards them, and felt a lot happier that all this mess was finally over.

\----

Jeanne d'Arc - no, Ruler walked forwards, face serene and flag billowing. A light wind was blowing now, clearing the clouds bit by bit and allowing the sun to glimmer through, as if God was rejoicing about the battle being over. A long, long night indeed, and one where Jeanne had had to act quite outside the normal restrictions of her class to keep the Holy Grail War stable.

She stooped and picked up a piece of blasted bark that was vaguely bent so as to provide a hollow for a raindrop to nest in. As she walked, it changed, gentle golden waves of light billowing off it as it warped from a simple vessel for water into the Holy Grail.

"O Servant, the one who has won the Holy Grail War..." Jeanne gave a tired smile. "Well, there have been quite a few irregularities, to be truthful, but I am glad the ending is as it is meant to be."

The winner turned, swaying lightly, and Jeanne felt the Master trudge closer. She held the Grail to him, but he simply waved his hand and shook his head tiredly. That was to be expected of a mercenary, perhaps.

And so, Jeanne raised her voice and her hand.

"By the grace of God, you are the winner, and your wish shall be granted. What shall it be?"

A battered gauntlet reached from the side of the victor and closed on the Grail taking it, the winner's eyes flashing with joy and confidence.

"I wish... to challenge Caliburn again!"

The Grail filled within moments, shaking, the light pooling from it and wrapping around Mordred, the Knight of Rebellion.

Somewhere, in a part of existence humans could not yet reach, the gears of fate turned. A legend that had been born a millennium and more ago was receiving its ending, long left hanging, long awaiting the rise of the true king of Britain, Albion, the Isle of Knights.

And then, the light faded and Mordred was left standing there in her tube-top.

"...Eh?"

Jeanne, too, felt a sudden cold, and thought that was strange, and then looked down and realised that she was wearing the same clothing that Laeticia had worn.

"What... what the fuck?!", Mordred exploded, arms wrapped around herself, shivering, and suddenly the light breeze that had looked pretty cool was far colder than she'd put any thought towards. "Hey, Ruler! What the hell?"

"Um... your wish has been granted?", Jeanne tried, although her brow was furrowing, trying to figure out why she was suddenly cold.

"Bull shit it has! I'm supposed to be holding Caliburn right now, not freezing my arse off in the middle of... Oi, Master, where are we- why are you laughing?!"

Kairi had indeed crumpled to the ground, laughing himself sick on realising what had happened. Mordred stomped over, rubbing her hands against the cold, and kicked his side. "Stop that laughing! Where are we?"

"Romania," Kairi gasped out between gouts of inappropriate giggling.

"Ro-what?! Where?" Mordred yelped, eye twitching now. She shifted her shoulders, but wherever her armour had gone, it was not coming back. (Jeanne didn't blame it, it really was cold.)

Mordred rounded on Jeanne, teeth chattering now. "Ruler! What... How- where-" She shook her head. "What the fuck?"

"Well, your wish was granted, that's for sure. So..." Jeanne closed her eyes and thought. "Where is this Caliburn?"

"Well, it's... oh, no," Mordred began, and then petered off, dread filling her face. "Oh, no, no, no, noooo, no."

"Er... Saber?"

"It's in... oh, hell," Mordred swore, and hissed at the cold. "...It's in Britain."

Understanding dawned on Jeanne. "Oh, I see. So the Grail fulfilled the wish, but didn't actually bring you there!"

"You stupid-arse cup!"

"Well, it shouldn't be too difficult..."

"I want a refund! What kinda monkey's-ear shite is this literalist pisspot pulling on me?!"

"You simply need to travel to the ancestral place of Caliburn from here..."

"Stop laughing, Kairi, you arse!"

"And since you need to be human to be tested, it must have given you a human body, so you'll need to travel normally..."

"I'm going to find God and choke him for this!"

"No blasphemy! And obviously, as the Ruler, I should accompany you to ensure that your wish is granted!"

"FUUUUUUUUUUU-"


End file.
